My Journal on Diaper Wearing

The Trepidation of being a DL

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Where to go now?

I am sorry that my posting has been rather sporadic. I neglected to mention that I had finals this week and writing some papers the week before, so I was too busy to write the few times that I could.

Right now, I am deciding where my blog should go, and I think that I might need some help with that. I am at home for the summer, so I can’t wear anymore, much less order any good diapers (I am also very stingy about money right now because I need to get a part time job), so I really feel like I can’t make any more journal entries at least until school starts back up again, and even then, I have to take into account roommates next year.

So I ask of you, the reader: Where would you like to see this blog go? I hate making it seem like I have no idea what I am doing, but I really want to know what kinds of things that people would want to read about. I will still take my own thoughts into the suggestions, but I want to know what kinds of things people would like to read about.

Cheers!

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Entry #7: Rules are meant to be broken…

NOTE: Some people might not like the subject matter of this post, so rest assured, I was not very graphic over it. However, that still might not be enough, so just know that this might not be a topic that everyone would enjoy.

One of the rules that I made for myself concerning this blog is that I would not mess any of my diapers. This was mainly because 1. I live in a dorm and I would imagine that it would smell a lot (or enough for someone to smell shit in the hall), which would probably spell a health hazard if I decided to throw it away in a trash bin, and 2. I do no have a convenient way to clean up the mess, considering that I didn’t want to purchase baby wipes and I do not live close enough to the showers to make it, and even then, their are two separate drains for all four showers, so I would have to get one of those stalls (or at least it would probably be better if I did). In short, messing a diaper in the dorms is not a smart option.

However, this weekend, I wasn’t at school; I was at my mom’s house (it’s 20 minutes away from school) with my younger brother at a friend’s house. I had thought about messing all night, but I wasn’t sure about going through with it, plus someone I was chatting with on Omegle said that messing diapers made with cloth material was not a good idea since it does not hold that well, not to mention that I had pull-ups, so they might leak. I decided to do it anyway… for SCIENCE!

So to try it out, I went into my bathroom and sat on the toilet seat. I tried to go like anyone normally would on a toilet, but not that much came out. I guess I didn’t have to go as much as I thought and/or my diapers are not the best for messing in.

I took a shower afterwards and threw out the messy diaper in a plastic bag, but overall, I think it’s pretty inconclusive right now whether or not I like messing. I would probably have to try it again if I get the online diapers since I heard that those are a lot better for that (although I would think that any of the tape-side diapers are better).

Messing diapers seems to be a polarized subject in most aspects. Myself, I don’t mind it too much, although I am really not sure why. Perhaps because I like the naughty aspect of it. Perhaps because I think it’s cute in some abstract way. I can’t really describe why, but either way, I can’t decide if I personally like messing them and why. Again, I might have to try again when I get a better diaper, but right now, I would have to say that I have a mixed response: It was enjoyable in a weird sort of way, but at the same time, the fact that I did not go very much and that clean-up was kind of a bitch were not aspects that I liked about the experience.

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Entry #5/#6: Crylander: The Wettening/OH GOD, WHY?

I have not been able to write recently because of homework, so I am making this a double entry: One for during the week and one for today because something crazy happened this morning, but I will talk about that later.

Part 1:

Something I have been doing recently is wetting my diapers before I go to bed. I have not wet really much when I do this, so I don’t leak over night. Additionally, it adds some cushion to a pad that is otherwise not as comfortable to sleep in. However, when I have been wetting in the mornings, I can’t comfortably sit down without it leaking to the sides. I guess they aren’t as great of diapers as I thought, not that I didn’t know that already or anything.

Anyway, Thursday night, while I was working on an essay, one of my friends, one of who knows I have a diaper fetish, started chatting with me on Facebook. I had told her that I was doing this, and she thought I was participating with a girl. Even though I had wish this were the case, I had told her that I am doing this alone. I’ve actually kinda put some thought into it, and I am still not sure how I would bring it up.

Initially, I wanted to find a girlfriend and tell her about it when I was sure that she was comfortable with finding out and wear with her if she was willing to, but I would not know when that time would be considering that I… do not have much relationship experience. Yeah, that’s a shame, I know. I am not going to while about how ‘forever alone’ I am, but because I haven’t ever been able to get close with anyone, I don’t know when the best time to tell her would be.

I guess the other thing that worries me is her reaction. Diapers are not a mainstream fetish, and I fear that if I tell a girlfriend who might not like hearing that I participate in it, she’d either ostracize me and/or tell everyone, the latter probably being the worse out of those two.

I guess I’ll worry about that when it happens.

Question: How would you tell an SO about your diaper fetish? How have they reacted if you have?

Part 2:

Okay, since many of you have had the opportunity to get refreshments and use the restroom (perhaps not needing to move for either of them), I will get to probably the more interesting part of this post, and that’s how I might’ve been exposed.

Well… sorta. I wasn’t wearing at the time, but I was about to get ready to write this blog. As I try to get people to come across my blog, I follow ABDL pages in hopes that people would stumble on them and follow, so most of my feed consists of pictures of people wearing diapers.

So the Tumblr tab was up and the first picture was a girl wearing a diaper when all of a sudden someone knocks on my door and enters asking for my lighter, so I try to hide the picture. Unfortunately, it shift the page to the right side of the screen with the picture still entirely visible. After closing out of the screen, not responding to him this entire time and looking guilty as a motherfucker, I give him my lighter, thinking “Oh Christ, I am going to be the least popular guy at school.”

The best case scenario is that he didn’t see it, or that he wasn’t paying attention, or that he doesn’t tell anyone and forget over the summer. Really, any situation where either no one at school knows or he doesn’t notice is what I hope happens. Maybe I am being a bit paranoid, but I feel like I am understandably worried about my reputation. Maybe some people might not care or be dicks about it, but I can imagine that many people would not treat me kindly for it.

Maybe you guys can give me some of your experiences!

Question Deux: Have you ever been caught by anyone? What happened afterwards?

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Entry #4: Ignorance is Piss

Sunday morning, I decided to try something new: I wet the diaper as I was lying in bed. I was very worried about doing this because I didn’t want to get anything on my sheets or my lounge pants, but to my surprise, they were fine. For being a store brand, Tenas could really take the piss (pun intended) and not make things smell bad either.

Something that kind of surprises me about many people in the diaper community is that so many people are willing to come out to others, even their parents. My thoughts on telling my parents are that it really isn’t their business. Aside from the fact that they probably would not like the idea of me participating in a fetish, they really have no reason to know. Yeah, I realize that diapers are a bigger aspect of people’s lives, but I really don’t see the need for me to “come out” to my parents about it. I know that I wouldn’t want to know about any kinks that they have.

Some people are also daring enough to actually wear diapers in public. While I am not the person to say that they should not do that, that is also something that I would never want to do. While it might be fun to wear and use a diaper in public, I wouldn’t do it because I don’t feel like I need to do that to feel enjoy them. I feel like, hypothetically, spending a lazy weekend at home in a diaper would suffice over wearing them in public. I’m pretty sure most people at school probably know or infer that I am continent, and I don’t think that wearing diapers all of a sudden would help my social. I don’t think many would buy that something happened that made me lose control such that I need to wear diapers, plus I really doubt them knowing straight up that I have a diaper fetish would help me either. I think it would be easier to just say that I would be more comfortable not wearing them outside my dorm or whatever house/apartment I eventually get.

That doesn’t mean that I have not told a few people in real life. Two of my best friends know that I have this fetish. My first friend I told in 8th grade when I discovered that I had it. While he did find it weird and even teased me about it (with the “Oops, I Crapped My Pants” sketch from SNL), his opinion didn’t change over me. The second friend I told more recently. While we were talking about porn, which was a subject in our ethics class, the subject of what porn we watched came up. She asked me what kind I watched, and being in a restaurant, I waited until we were in the car to tell her. She was surprised too, but we had an enjoyable conversation over it on the way back.

I don’t think everyone is that open-minded, though. I feel like because I go to a small school (Around 2k-3k students), everyone will know about it in a short manner of time. I really cannot predict how they’d react, though. Best case scenario, they acknowledge it, but they do not care any more than that. Worst case scenario, I lose my social life, people get that freaked out. I feel like what may influence their behavior is that, because diapers usually equal babies to most people, many people might automatically assume that I am a pedophile, even though it is obvious given my personality that I am not.

So yay for secrecy!

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Entry #3: Gotta Get Down on Friday

Friday night, I got back after watching a movie with friends. I had wanted to get drunk or high sometime during this process because I feel like it would have enhanced the diaper experience (at least getting high would). However, my uni doesn’t hold many parties because it is a dry campus (in other words, people aren’t allowed to have alcohol anywhere on school property, even though people break this rule all the time anyway) and there aren’t many other things to do otherwise, so people usually go home or go to one of the nearby universities to party. Plus, I prefer to go to things with people, which doesn’t happen if no one is willing to do them, so my Friday nights usually consist of doing things on campus.

Because it was pretty late when the movie ended, I got ready for bed as soon as I got back. I pretty much went to bed after I put on my diaper, which I feel like I should comment on the comfort aspect of it. While I had remarked before on how the diapers I had were pretty damn good at absorbing, they are not necessarily the most comfortable thing I have worn.

For one thing, I’m fairly certain it has to do with the fact that the diapers aren’t fitted for men, since from what I can gander, adult diapers are more specialized, considering that they are supposed to work for a larger body, and because my downstairs are not that of a female, it affects how comfortable it is.

For another thing, the fabric on it isn’t soft. The pad is especially uncomfortable to sit on, but that could also relate to the fact that they are woman diapers. I’m pretty sure this problem is moreso related to the fact that retail diapers are usually not as comfortable as the ones online; At least from what I heard. They feel different in a good way when they are wet, but since I usually wet in the morning, I do not get to experience it for long.

So the fact that the diapers do not fit in the best manner and that they are not very soft on top of that do not make them the most comfortable thing to wear. After reading something on the ABDL subreddit, it just so happens that a good kind of store diaper (or at least one that is better in comparison to the other store brands; at least in the US) is sold at Walgreen’s. Shitty luck for me for it to be closed when I went. I guess that is a lesson learned though, and not only do I not want to spend even more money on diapers, I also don’t want to have any leftover for when I return home, so I guess I will have to settle with the ones that I have.

Another thing about wearing diapers is that the pad affects the way I walk. This enforces the idea of me not wearing outside my room, even though the halls do not have that many people coming and going. What’s more, drunk guys would still be coming in, which means that someone wearing a diaper who shouldn’t be wearing one would be particularly amusing to gawk at.

So I took the suggestion of missprissyknickers and threw out my used diapers in one of the garbage cans in the dorm. I buried the bag of them in the trash so no one would see, but I worry about this being a good method that will also keep me incognito. It’s convenient, but I worry that an RA or the RD will see it and make a statement about it being a hazard. Then again, drunk idiots have pissed in the trash cans, so chances are, they are not going to take action for less than that.

Anyway, this is the last week of class before finals. I will try to update when I can, but I am going to try and make these shorter so that I have more time to do things. My workload will be slightly easier to manage by finals week, so I can probably do more then, but I will probably be using up most of my diapers by then, in which case, I will have to repurpose the blog. I won’t worry about that, though… yet.

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Entry #2/Question #2: Wetworks

At this point, I really do not have any followers. However, I am still going to post these while they are fresh in my mind so that I don’t end up making things up.

Thursday night, I was studying for an American politics quiz (which I would later find out was actually on Monday), and since I figured that I wasn’t going to do anything else, I decide to get ready for bed so I can put on a diaper.

I kinda wonder if the people on my floor can hear the diapers that I wear. Granted, they are cloth, so they shouldn’t make too much noise, they still tend to make distinct noises from putting on, say, boxers, so I am worried that people can hear them, seeing as the dorm walls are thin enough that you can hear what’s going on, and shake their heads in shame outside my door.

Speaking of things that could lead to me being discovered, the next morning, I got up and wet my diaper. Wearing a wet diaper has a very weird feel to it. It’s like wearing briefs with a wet sponge on the inside. It’s pretty enjoyable in a surreal sort of way, but I worry that the smell will leak (no pun intended) to outside the box I am disposing of my used diapers in. Not that I have any way of telling whether or not I can smell it because my nose has been congested lately (which just so happens when I need my sense of smell; perfect fucking timing). I guess the good news is that the Tenas hold urine pretty well, so at least I shouldn’t have to worry about getting piss on anything else. I have thought about not using the bathroom before I go to bed just so I could wear it a bit longer before I have to get up, but I am not sure if my diapers can hold more than one wetting or if diaper gel is like a sponge where squeezing it hard enough will allow liquid to escape (although this doesn’t seem to happen when to sit in it).

On a more technical note, I am still thinking about what I aim to write about in most parts of this blog. Obviously, I am writing about the times when I wear a diaper and my feelings on such, but I feel like it won’t be enough. I’ve thought about putting in my opinion on things relating to the abdl community, but I feel like I have to watch what I say. Posting outside pictures might bring readers over, but I really want this to be a documentary blog, not a porn blog.

I’ve thought about posting pictures of me in my diapers (obviously censoring my face out) as further documenting, but I feel like that could potentially end up biting me in the ass in some way, and moreover, it might change the tone of the blog.  True, it is a blog about something of a sexual nature, but I still feel like it would bring attention to me as someone who is exhibiting myself sexually. While I do not have that intention in mind, I feel like posting pictures of myself would put me in a negative light somehow, unless I am completely overthinking it or something.

I do hope to wear diapers while I am drunk and/or high at least once during this period and be able to document them, since I would imagine that it feels a hell of a lot different (in a good way)

Question #2: As stated above, what sort of content should I have on this blog? Opinions? Pictures of myself and my diapers? Something else?

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Entry 1: Back in Diapers for the First Time

So the way I decided to cover these posts are to post from when I take my diaper off in the morning to when I put on my night diaper. However, this first entry is special because I will also be talking about buying the pack of diapers.

By the way, if I am informal at parts, I like interjecting humor at points in these entries

I was waiting in my room waiting for my RA to come by to do health and safeties (to make sure my room was clean, that my outlets weren’t overused, and that the dead hookers under my bed don’t smell too bad; my room is generally clean, so it’s not a big deal for me). I waited until 10 to leave, even though they were scheduled to happen at 9, and I brought along my backpack to put them in. One of the people on my floor, a big muscular guy, started to talk to me. He asked about the bag, to which I didn’t give a clear answer. This would worry the shit out of me normally, but this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, so I would figure that he would not dwell on the thought too much.

Before I left, I had initially decided to drive to Walgreen’s to buy my diapers because they were a pretty small store, which means that there wouldn’t be that many customers (even less because it was at night) and from what I heard, at least, they had a wider selection, to boot. Unfortunately, the one I went to closed at 10. Rather than going back to my dorm empty-handed or going at the glass doors rock-handed, I decided to go to the next closest venue: Wal-Mart. I figured that it wouldn’t matter if I was caught buying diapers there, because as many of you might know, a young man buying adult diapers is probably the least craziest thing one can see at a Wal-Mart.

So right when I enter the Wal-Mart, I head towards the health section where the diapers are located, but not wanting to look suspicious (I was kind of in a nervous panic here, although I probably didn’t have any reason to; More thoughts on that later), I played with the blood pressure device (don’t tell me you haven’t; that was what me and my brothers did when we were kids going to Wal-Mart). Then, I go over to the food section to get myself a snack: some Buffalo wing-flavored potato chips. Afterwards, I headed back to where the diapers were.

I decided that I would buy Tenas when I came here off a random suggestion from someone on Omegle. The only Tenas that I could spot, however, were fitted for women, but because I didn’t want to ponder too much on a choice, seeing as I didn’t feel like it mattered, I got a pack of the female Tena’s and made a bee-line (or should I say “pee-line”, hahahahaha… I won’t make too many diaper puns, I promise) to the registers.

As fate would have it, this Wal-Mart didn’t have any self-checkout lines as I had hoped, so I got in the closest line I could find. I really doubt that many people cared, seeing as that they wouldn’t suspect that the women’s diapers were for me, but I still got nervous when I saw someone I knew from school. She didn’t notice me, so a panic attack was averted.

I wanted to pay with my prepaid debit card, but the cashier lady asked for the balance, and since it would be declined if I didn’t have enough, I decided to play it safe and pay with my debit card so I could buy them and get the hell out.

The way back went off without a hitch. I had put the diapers in my backpack and walked around my building to the other door; I lived on the side of the dorm not facing the parking lot, so I figured that I would walk outside to avoid being stopped by anyone that might’ve wanted to talk/comment on my bag that was suspiciously bulky-looking. The first thing I do is throw the pack of diapers under my bed, but then move them to the drawer next to my bed.

After I got ready for bed, I put on my first diaper. There were two things that surprised me about it: That it was a pull-up, and that it felt almost like regular briefs, both things caused by the fact that I didn’t read what I was buying. Thinking back, my dumb ass really could have benefited from reading the labels to see what kind I was getting and people probably would not have cared either way, but lesson learned. From what I heard, the store brands were not the height of quality, but I wasn’t going for quality anyway, at least not now.

I went to bed, and I had some weird dreams that actually related to having diapers. What’s weirder is that there were dreams withing dreams. My first dream was where I was in a tower trying to break a fight between a dachshund, a mastiff, and an American Eskimo (the breed of dog, if you didn’t get the context, although if imagining an actual Eskimo is easier for you, then it would probably still work) all while Beyonce was jumping out of the window while singing, and then reappearing only to jump again. The dream after that, people came into my room while I was in bed (and I was unable to look down for some reason), and when I awoke from that dream, I dreamed that I wet my diaper and it leaked through the sides.

After I was done experiencing Inception, I wake up with a little more than an hour to get to class. I felt the urge to pee, so I decided to see how much the diaper could hold. Now I was expecting it to leak out the sides, like in the dream, but much to my surprise, it was pretty damn absorbent. After eating some breakfast cereal, I took the diaper off. The night before, I did a quick drive around campus to find dumpsters, and I really couldn’t find any that were open, so I figured that I would hide them in the box for my Xbox 360 that I never quite thrown away and I decided to throw them out en masse, provided that they didn’t smell (which they didn’t really smell all too bad).

I guess the other thing to note about today was that during lunch, one of the people I was sitting with said that he saw me at Wal-mart the other day. I asked if he saw what I had with me (I wasn’t sure if he was going to bring it up or not), but I said that I was getting something for my cousin, so I was avoided an embarrassing explanation.

That’s just about it for my first day. Hope it was enjoyable/informative! Please send feedback.

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